Nice Day for a White Wedding

The Clog was officially nominated as the official blog of Guy and Leigh-Anne Clarke’s wedding. Admittedly, this was an appointment given by myself but The Clog has always worked on the journalistic principal of publish and be damned.

The wedding ceremony took place at the beautiful St Mary’s church in White Waltham in the Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead. The scene at the church was slightly chaotic as we learned that the bridal party would be late as they were travelling by Routemaster bus and it was having to take a bit of a detour due to the fact that it couldn’t go on the motorway though the fact that it was an old public service vehicle which was governed to a maximum of 45 mph did mean that progress was likely to be glacial. Proceedings did not get underway until 55 minutes after the advertised times.

While this took place, Sunny was also getting to grips with his ushering role, with some people having to be moved, creating the surreal spectacle of musical chairs as the strains of Pachelbel’s Canon in D reverberated around the sanctuary. I sensed that the vicar was getting increasingly anxious as time passed without the appearance of the bridal party, one imagined that the second coming was more imminent than the wedding.

The vicar did a good job of putting everyone at ease at the outset of the ceremony and reassured those with children that it was ok for them to wander around and would be more trouble to restrain them. After welcoming the congregation, it was finally time for the arrival of the bride and at that point I swear I heard the Angry Anderson’s dulcet tones bellow out Suddenly just at the point where the bride gazed  into her beloved’s  eyes as she serenely progressed down the aisle as Madge Bishop wiped away a tear. Of course, I may just be descending into a 1980’s Neighbours cliché but I’m sure that reality was very similar.

We rose to sing the first of the three hymns on the order of service, Lord of the Dance. It was the intention of the newlyweds to have hymns that the congregation would know. This was a good move considering the majority of the congregation were either in the agnostic, atheist or nominal C of E Christians who were probably last in church for another wedding or a funeral. After a slow start, the hymn did gain some traction among the congregation, indeed someone commenting at the end of the ceremony on how they used to think it was a jolly song until they read the lyrics that referred to the crucifixion.

The declarations then took place with both parties taking the customary vows and the congregation vowing to support them. The first of the two readings was delivered by Sunny and was a short recital of verses 9-12 from chapter 4 of the book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament, a book written by King Solomon, a book that recalls the lessons he had learned from a life of hedonism. The reading itself seemed to pass quicker than the mens 100m final at the Olympics but this was against a merciless backdrop of teasing and mind games from some people in the days leading up to the reading. This took the form of convincing Sunny that he would say “Eccles Cakes” rather than “Ecclesiastes” and “toilet” instead of “toil”. Putting this aside, it should be noted that the scriptural reference was announced correctly and the “thanks be to God” exhortation was said with very clear definition. Following the first reading, we were upstanding for the second hymn, the Sydney Carter composition, One More Step Along The World I Go, a hymn that many would remember from school assemblies.

The second reading was the famous 1 Corinthians chapter 13 dealing with the subject of love, a passage that is very popular for wedding ceremonies. This lesson was read by Carl and in a rare slip of the tongue, he proclaimed that he was beginning from verse 13, however, had he done so, the reading would’ve been only a few seconds. The reading was delivered with the great confidence and oratorical polish that you would expect from an old Etonian, it really set the tone for the sermon on sacrificial love and the marriage blessing.

After the main part of the ceremony when the vicar blessed the newlyweds, we were led into a time of prayer and then sang our final hymn, Give me joy in my heart. The ceremony was concluded with the formal signing of the register which always seems to take an age to conclude. The organist played some compositions by Handel during the formalities and to welcome the newlyweds as they exited the church. The earlier delay proved to be a blessing in disguise as there was a downpour of rain at the time when they were scheduled to leave the church but the sun had come out, giving some good opportunity for photographs. As is the custom at weddings, there was a nice vintage car to transport the bride and groom.

 

The reception was held at the nice venue of Stokes Farm near to Binfield. The reception was held in a converted timber barn. The grounds were also very nice with expansive grass areas and a pond. Guests were greeted with a nice glass of champagne and a generous helping of canapes and a decent finger buffet. The main course of a selection of curry was quite appropriate as the newlyweds had met through one of our legendary curry nights. Dessert was like a greatest hits medley of cakes made by Guy’s mum. Throughout the day, a free bar was available with guests and charity boxes were placed for Help for Heroes and Age Concern in order that guests could make an optional donation. These charities had meaning to all in the gathering and it was excellent to see this, it is to be hoped that a decent sum was raised for both charities.

 

The first of the after dinner speeches was the father of the bride’s speech. This was delivered with tongue-in-cheek humour. Guy also did his first speech as a married man and graciously thanked everyone for coming along. Following this was the best man’s speech, that moment in a wedding reception when an ordinary working man is expected to be as funny as Peter Kay and Michael McIntyre combined even though he is as funny as a heart attack any other time of the year. Thankfully, Paul is capable of generating amusement and the speech was well received by everyone. He did a good job of getting everyone onside at the start of the speech by commenting on how stunning the bride looked, a fact that her husband had overlooked only a moment before. The rest of the speech consisted of the usual amusing anecdotes about the groom and there was a nice moment when he paid tribute to Guy’s dad for the hospitality that we received on the memorable stag weekend a few weeks earlier.

When the main dinner was over, it was time for the party to get into full swing with all the usual cheesy tunes being played although I didn’t hear YMCA by the Village People which made a welcome change. The DJ was an older, silver haired fellow who looked as if he was of the generation of Jimmy Savile, although thankfully that is where the comparison ends. The evening was a good time to shoot the breeze with old friends and the generous helpings of food continued. During this time, we also had the ceremonial cutting of the cake.

Overall, it was an honour to share in what was a lovely wedding in a perfect location with many good people. I am sure that it is a day that we will all look fondly back on for many years to come.

 

 

Travel Blog - Isle of Arran

This is the latest in a series of travel blogs and regular readers must be thinking, “oh no, it’s Judith freakin’ Chalmers again”. For the record, I did not plan to record an entry for my weekend back home in Ayrshire but events took an unexpected turn when I made my first visit to the Isle of Arran since 1996.

The journey to Arran began at Ardrossan ferry terminal on the North Ayrshire coast. The area around the port has been substantially redeveloped in recent years and is looking smarter than for many a year. We boarded the MV Caledonian Isles for the 1230 sailing to Brodick. This ship has the second largest vehicle carrying capacity in the Caledonian MacBrayne fleet, with the capability to accommodate 110 cars and up to 1000 passengers. Our 12 mile voyage across the Firth of Clyde took 55 minutes and was very smooth. It was nice to relax in the lounge area with a cup of coffee. I also paid a visit (or two) to the onboard Isle of Arran produce stand where free samples of some of the local cheese and whisky were available. I also couldn’t help but notice that there were many more signs on the ship in the Gaelic language, in keeping with the policy of promoting the language in tourist areas.

When we arrived at the quayside at Brodick, the ferry spewed out a significant cargo of lycra clad hoardes of cyclists ready to take on the rigours of B880 “string road” to Blackwaterfoot on the west coast. I did envy them somewhat as my most notable previous visits as a teenager were in the company of my Raleigh Activator bike. We made our way along the promenade to the local Cooperative store to grab some provisions for lunch.  For those who are more used to urban settings, you will not find the usual “big four” supermarkets in rural parts of Scotland or the islands but you will find that the Co-op is the main store. After getting our supplies, we headed to a quiet spot at the sea front to enjoy a banquet of pre-packed sandwiches, a packet of McCoys crisps and some fizzy juice.

It may be tempting to assume that there is little cultural diversity on a Scottish island but this perception was challenged in Brodick with the presence of the Arran Asia Trading Company. This store which sold a selection of jewellery, religious artefacts and ornaments also claimed to have branches in Bangkok, Dehli and Khatmandu. We also had one of the workers from the nearby Indian restaurant give us a flyer advertising their menu. It reminded me of the episode of Father Ted when we were introduced to Craggy Island’s China town.

 

We decided to go on a walk outside Brodick to the park near the foot of Goat Fell. The path deviates from the main road near the end of the town and goes across one of the greens on the local golf course. Following this, we encountered a narrow path where there was a house selling duck feed for 50p a bag, the monetary transaction took place via an honesty box, another feature of island life. After an entertaining few moments feeding the ducks in a local stream, we proceeded along the road towards Arran Aromatics which sold a selection of Scottish produce in addition to fragrances etc. The sea salt caramel fudge is highly recommended. The service in store was warm and friendly, it was also easy to detect the English accent from the lady behind the counter, another feature of Scotland’s rural life as many southerners swap the rat race for a slower pace of life.

 

We also visited the cheese store to where we took advantage of the 4 truckles of cheese for £14 offer and bought some oatcakes. This clearly demonstrates that the marketing on the boat was working. My personal recommendation is the oak smoked cheese although we also bought the claret flavoured cheese in our selection. We also walked a bit further up the road to the local brewery store where my brother-in-law and I bought bottles of the Arran Clyde Puffer stout.

We then made our way back to the ferry terminal. There was a handful of Scottish independence campaigners whose advances were being politely rebuffed by most people including ourselves. I spent much of the return voyage out on deck. This was partly because there was a group of men who considered themselves to be the life and soul of the party when all everybody else saw was a bunch of fat, tattooed, beery louts who couldn’t shut their mouths.  They were completely oblivious to the apathy of every other passenger as they belted out the hokey cokey for the nth time. It was quite funny at the end of the voyage when one of the more sober members of the group rebuked another for singing as it was “getting embarrassing”. You don’t say.

By staying outside, we were rewarded with some clear views of Arran’s east coast and along the Firth of Clyde towards Cumbrae and Inverclyde. Evidence of the Clyde’s importance as a strategic trade route was clear as we saw the Navion Scandia and Star Polaris moored in Irvine Bay. The former of these was heading to the deep water port of Finnart in Loch Long to offload its cargo of petroleum, to be carried by pipeline to the Grangemouth refinery. The latter of these was heading to the busy, local port of Hunterston, a facility that specialises in coal imports. We also sailed past the MV Isle of Arran, the predecessor of the Caledonian Isles that has been brought back to the Clyde for the dual purpose of supporting the Arran route and to trial a sailing to Campbeltown on the Kintyre penninsula. It was also possible to clearly see the iconic Ailsa Craig to the south west.

 

 

 

We knew the voyage was coming to an end when we could see the massive wind turbines that make the hills above the north shore road look like a giant teletubbyland. The lovely summer’s day on Arran reminded me that sometimes we should appreciate the beauty of the scenery of our local area as we so often can take these pleasures for granted. The island is like Scotland in miniature and a break of several days here is to be recommended. It is my intention that I will be back in the near future.

 

 

 

Rivers Of Blood?

The UK was shocked at the senseless and brutal murder of a serving soldier on the 22^nd May on the streets of Woolwich in our capital city. This crime was carried out by Islamic fundamentalists of Nigerian origin, protesting about the war on terror. It has to be said that anything with the word ‘mentalist’ sends red flashing warning lights and tells many people all they need to know, but sadly there will always be the occassional rat crawling out of the sewer to wreak havoc. In this age of the camera phone, there was much disturbing footage provided by witnesses and the attackers themselves were actively encouraging filming. The victim was named as Lee Rigby, a drummer in the 2^nd Battalion of the Royal Regiment of Fusiliers.

 

The crime itself was an example of the lowest form of cowardice as the attackers drove onto the pavement to knock down their target and then hacked him to death as he lay on the ground. As this took place, some people then confronted the attackers. One of the most dramatic scenes in the aftermath of the attack was the bravery of a woman called Ingrid Loyau-Konnetto who confronted the killers. In an era where warfare in the West has moved towards dealing with single issue terrorist groups, the picture of Mrs Loyau-Konnetto standing face to face with a terrorist could be considered as icon of freedom against oppression, like a UK version of the student defying the tanks in Tiananmen Square a generation ago.

 

 

Another key moment following the incident came in the form of a Sky News interview from the Imam Ajmal Masroor, a man who has been a commentator in the media on Islamic issues in the last few years. Mr Masroor took an uncompromising stance from the outset by saying that if people don’t like Britain so much that they could contemplate attacking it, then they should hand in their passport and leave. He also challenged them to stand for office and participate in the democratic process should their concerns be related to foreign policy. Crucially, he pointed out that no God would accept murder and that if they have committed the crime because they expect to go to heaven, then they will never smell heaven. His stinging attack concluded by condemning the attackers as criminal, thugs, low life scum and that they should go to prison for a long time. In the aftermath of the tragedy, his words marked him out as the voice of the people and not just moderate Islam.

 

Back in 1968, Enoch Powell made an address to a local area branch of the Conservative Party which became known as the “Rivers of Blood” speech, dealing with the issue of immigration from the commonwealth. It is often forgotten that the words “rivers of blood” did not actually feature in the speech, but took its name from the following line that Powell derived from Virgil’s Aeneid:

“"As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding; like the Roman, I seem to see 'the River Tiber foaming with much blood”

Powell was demonised and vilified from all sides of the House of Commons for his words, which came at a time when the winds of social change were starting to blow in the UK, indeed he was sacked from the shadow cabinet and didn’t hold a senior political post again. He conceded that there were many immigrants who were happy to integrate, there were also others who had a vested interest in fostering racial and religious differences with a view to gain dominance over other immigrants and the rest of the population.

It could be argued that some of the consequences of Powell’s speech have been seen in recent times in our country, though perhaps not in the quite the same way that could’ve been imagined back in 1968. Events that would not have been forseen in Powell’s time could include hate preachers such as Anjem Choudary railing against UK foreign policy and refusing to condemn the killers of Lee Rigby, whilst being happy to take £25K per year in benefits from the tax payer and receive police protection because his life has been threatened.

A few days before the shocking events in Woolwich, the Sunday broadsheets were claiming that a source close to the Prime Minister had said that grass-roots members of the Conservative Party were “mad, swivel eyed loons”. If these allegations are true, this is a stark example of politicians being out of touch with the people and shows a complete ignorance of the genuine concerns over uncontrolled immigration. It is interesting that these alleged comments emerged following the rise of the UK Independence Party in the recent local elections at the expense of the mainstream parties.

Most ordinary citizens have the same the same basic criteria in what they expect from Government. They are looking for people of substance who will maintain our defences, look after the NHS, education and national infrastructure. They also expect that our basic freedoms and national identity will be upheld by those in power. What they do not expect is for our politicians to be apologising for our history and appeasing those who hate what our country stands for. If politicians allow themselves to be disconnected from the people, they will only allow rabble rousing groups like the English Defence League and BNP to gain a foothold.

There has been an enormous outpouring of goodwill and sympathy towards the grieving family and the armed forces since the attack. The coffers of Help for Heroes have been boosted by many donations, this was partly a response to the fact that Drummer Rigby was wearing a t-shirt with the logo of the charity at the time of his death. The incident has shown that these terrorists are beaten already as the only thing at their disposal is cheap shots. The corrosive ideology that they were standing for has been rebutted by other senior people from their faith and one of the killers’ family have been quick to issue a statement to condemn the murder.

 

A poem was trending on the social networks in tribute to Drummer Rigby:

Just out for a walk after an early stack

Not looking for trouble, not watching my back

Mothers with prams holding hands with their kids

Not paying attention to the car as it skids

Caught completely off guard not expecting what comes

One man with a knife another with guns

No chance of defence no chance to fight back

Looking for help as the cowards attack

An angel arrives as the light turns to grey

A woman attempts to steer attackers away

My last thought of 'Thank You' never strays from my brain

As my body shuts down and I feel no more pain.

 

I look to my left and I look to my right

Thousands of squaddies are all that's in sight

Uniforms are crisp and their faces are clean

No sign of anger or hate to be seen

As if by command they salute all as one

The RSM smiles, says 'Welcome home son'.

These heartfelt words are enough to bring tears to the eyes of all who read them. Although written from a secular perspective, the poem takes on a spiritual dimension by eloquently expressing the journey from this world to the eternal realm in a way that is reminiscent of the following sentiment expressed in Psalm 23:

“even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me…”

At the time of writing, Michael Adebolajo and Michael Adebowale have both been charged with murder and also the attempted murder of police officers who were responding to the crime.  This should ensure that they will spend their lives behind bars because their plan to go down as martyrs has failed beyond measure. The British people have again responded to an act of terrorism with characteristic resilience and defiance. It is now up to our politicians to show their mettle by doing all things possible to root out extremism from this nation.